Manipulation - Rays of Wisdom - Relationship HealingDo you know someone who insists on always getting their own way, by hook or by crook, and who has to be right at all times? Is there someone in your life who manipulates those around them into doing exactly what they would like them to do? People who are strongly under the influence of the water signs Cancer and Scorpio are known to be the master manipulators of the zodiac. It is interesting to watch them at work! Yet, they must learn that there is no point in manipulation, because those who indulge in it will sooner or later also be manipulated by others. If this does not happen during this lifetime, it will do so in others. The worst of it is that we are then likely to find such people and their machinations mightily irritating, without having any idea why this should be so.

In the end, we all have to reach the stage where we can recognise that everybody has a right to do their own thing and to make their own decisions, that no-one can always be right and everybody is right in some things, some of the time. The realisation of this is the beginning of wisdom. When we insist on always being right in everything, pretending to know everything better, we deny ourselves the possibility of learning something from others. Accepting our own boundaries and limitations, and everybody else’s, is a sign that we have learnt that giving in instead of being a sign of defeat or weakness can be one of strength and wisdom.

There is a great deal of wisdom and truth in the old saying ‘It takes one to know one’. Because we are magnetic beings, we can only recognise in others what is inside us and if a certain kind of behaviour by someone irritates and annoys us, you can be sure that projection is at work. If, on the other hand, we are aware of what the other one is doing, but find it  no more than slightly amusing, we are receiving a signal from our inner self  that the negative side of this particular aspect of our nature and the other person’s has already been integrated by us and developed into a positive one. Whenever this happens, we have grown in wisdom and the likelihood is that after a while the offending person will somehow go from our life, because the purpose of our encounter with them has been fulfilled.

Only when this has happened are we ready to move on to new relationships who can help us to become familiar with other parts of our character. In future, we shall rarely encounter anyone who behaves in the offending manner we left behind. Whatever we have learnt in every one of our earthly existences becomes our spiritual property. It is the only thing we are allowed to keep and take with us into Eternity, so that from one lifetime to another it can help us conduct our relationships with more ease. Gaining a better understanding of how personal relationships work speeds up our evolutionary progress considerably, as there is then no longer necessary to endlessly repeat our mistakes. Now please tell me whether projection is worth working with or not?

Did you ever puzzle, as I used to do, why the things we most yearn for – for example love – are the ones that are being denied to us? Nothing happens without a reason, and this is no exception. For as long as we ourselves have not developed the qualities we hope to find in others, we shall not stumble upon them in the world around us. This is because the environment is a mirror that reflects back what we ourselves are on the inside. When we have finally looked in all the wrong places on the outside, when we have turned over every stone and found nothing, our search will eventually throw us back onto our own inner resources. Lo and behold! What we have been looking for, throughout our whole life, is there inside us. So, where does the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow lie? Yes, you are right, within ourselves.

Once we have recognised where and how to dig for this kind of true gold, it begins appear with comparable ease. Also, if we want anything to manifest itself in the material world, it must first be born as an idea or an attitude, on the inner level. It is astonishing to watch how soon changes within can find their way into concrete and visible manifestations on the outside. There is just one snag: no-one can do this work for us, we ourselves must do it. All the things we really want out of life have to be worked for jolly hard, but then isn’t that good and right? How else could we ever find a sense of value in what we have found, as well as the true and lasting satisfaction it brings us? Others can show us the way or point us in the right direction, but we have to do our own work. That makes it our achievement, and it is one which we shall take with us into Eternity. Nobody ever will or can take it away from us. Isn’t that worth striving for?

Let me now give you an example of how projection has worked in my life. I detest and loathe arguments and rowing, and am aware that this was caused by childhood conditioning. I enjoy a high spirited and interesting argument, so long as one does not fall out over it. I am not afraid of any argument any more, because I have learnt to stand up for myself. But, I can really enjoy them, for as long as they are conducted in a spirit of mutual understanding. One cannot agree with everybody and everything, I am sure that would not be a healthy way of living, in any case. It is great to come to the end of a good argument, being able to agree to disagree and still be friends, often even better ones for having had that argument. It is a skill I have acquired and now I know to keep this on the right level, where it should remain. With the right partner it can be great fun. My time in Ireland was good for practising this, as the Irish are good at arguing, mostly in a good humoured ways though.

Because I now understand why things come into our life, I bear no grudge or resentment because of my childhood conditioning. There were two reasons for it. First, I needed the experience to find out how painful and soul-destroying it is to be at the receiving end of, or witness to, constant and ceaseless rowing. Second, because I have that kind of energy within me, I attract people who will act it out for me, if I do not. If I want to change this, I need to change myself. When I change myself, I change my energy. I cannot change the world around me, but I can change anything within myself which I do not want and need any more. The lesson is obvious, is it not?

There is only one way of doing this, and that is through changing my innermost being. I need to release all the anger and aggression which I have never allowed myself to express, during this lifetime, neither constructively nor otherwise. The way I feel about arguing and rowing is that they are an indication that I have this inside me. The residues from other lives, when I must have been very aggressive, are still waiting to be released from within. Having been over-aggressive could be the reason why for me present lifetime I chose to be born into Libra. This has presented me with the task of learning how to be a peacemaker and how to create balance in all things.

Balance and equilibrium can only be found in the middle, when the pendulum comes to rest between two extremes of any kind. This means that I have to deal with the polar oppositions of the aggressiveness of Mars, and the peace-loving nature of Libra. As I have always detested rowing, for a long time I did fool myself into thinking and believing myself to be one of the most peace loving people in the Universe. Only when I found out that deep down I was nothing of the kind, could I get to work and change my energy, to become that peace-loving person, all the way through.

Those who try to change the world are sure to fail,
But wise ones who make an effort to understand its purpose
And see it in a new light, learn to love it.
For them our world has changed forever.

Sri Chinmoy
Edited by Aquarius

Recommended Reading:
•    ‘Gazing Into The Mirror Of The Self – Projection’

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The above is a chapter from ‘Astrology As A Lifehelp In Relationship Healing’.
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‘Astrology As A Lifehelp In Relationship Healing’

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