Angela's Response
Many months later Angela wrote: ‘Thank you so much for your reading! After studying it I am really touched! As you said my journey is one of a thousand miles, so it goes without saying that I am still struggling with this disorder. I have been overeating on and off; usually I have a good week with normal eating that gives me a lot of hope and joy, which is followed by a week of overeating, feeling miserable and wanting to change. This is nothing new; it has been happening for the past six years, but I can say that by now I am a very different person because of this experience.
‘I know people who have had this problem since they were children and when I meet them I think they may have brought these issues with them from past lives. My case is a different one; I had no problems with food until my 21/22 birthdays, so there is no way of telling for sure whether this developed during this lifetime or previous ones, is there?
‘Reading what you had to say about my birthchart was very revealing, as in the past few months I have become aware of exactly the things you pointed out. For example, the two negative aspects of Gemini and Cancer, complaining and feeling like victims. I believe that these two patterns have been the main contributors to my urge to overeat. Sometimes I believe it just comes out of the blue, but when I look deeper within me, I recognise each time that invariably there is at least a tiny negative thought of complaint about my life or how things should be. As you can see, I am becoming more conscious of thinking and the accompanying feelings.
‘Although the main problem and challenge has been learning to recognise what is wrong, namely that it is my thinking that is at fault, so far I am unable to cope with it any other way and can therefore not yet let go of the overeating habit. But the main thing at present is that my self-awareness is growing and that I now know so much more about the general meaning of life than I did some years ago. In spite of still being trapped in my disorder, I find this helpful. But can you imagine how difficult it is when you know the cause of a problem, but still lack the power to change it?
‘All the time I am catching myself over thinking negative, critical and/or complaining thoughts and so still have to endure the accompanying feelings. As you can see, knowing what is wrong but not knowing how to change things is very hard indeed to live with. But, I know I just have to be patient with myself and my life, and that when I buckle down to its lessons all will be well in the end. And as you mentioned, true fulfilment can only come for me when I finally reach the point when I share my learning and give of myself unselfishly to those around me.
‘When you said that Saturn teaches us self-mastery and patience, I realised that this is the challenge that has been facing me for a long time. Come to think of it, it has been there throughout this whole lifetime. In my case it means taking charge of my negative thoughts and the feelings they create within me, and to transmute them into positive and life-affirming ones. Being a Cancerian, my feelings are still running my life for me, but at least I know now the task that lies before me, which is getting hold of my thoughts and feelings. I am glad that I now know that it is possible to change my whole life through changing them and that over time this is going to put me in control of my intake of and appreciation of food. Learning to be patient is certainly my greatest problem; isn’t it everybody’s?
Do you know, I used to like to think of myself as a patient person, quite laid back and calm who does not like to argue. I could not have been more wrong! As time went by it came ever clearer to me that patience is what I need most of all and that first and foremost this quality is linked with acceptance and surrender. I started to look for the right prayer and found it in the ‘Serenity Prayer’. Were you aware that it actually consists of two verses and not just the one? As hardly anyone ever mentions the second one, you might like to know that Aquarius has done justice to it by sharing with us the whole prayer – see the link below.
To my mind, this prayer contains the essence of a whole philosophy of life, explained by someone explained follows: ‘For me, the things I cannot change are other people, places and circumstances. The only things I can change are my attitudes, reactions and actions toward the people, places and circumstances in my life. The wisdom to know the difference is the most difficult part of all. I don’t always know what I can and cannot change until I try to do so. Wisdom grows from living by trial and error. The more experiences I gather, the more understanding, knowledge, and wisdom I accrue.’
As wisdom can only come through our daily experiences, we need to accept that making some mistakes in our attitudes, actions and judgments of what we can and cannot change is inevitable. We have to be patient with ourselves and others, because that’s the only way we can gradually gain ever more understanding from the errors we make on the way.
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The above is a chapter from ‘The Spiritual Perspective Of Eating Disorders’
If it has whetted your appetite to read more, please follow the link below:
‘The Spiritual Perspective Of Eating Disorders’
